- Men paste to women -

Copypasted from "http://approachanxiety.com/forum/topic.php?id=896".

Francis
Member

So I got this one approach a day thing going on where I'm going to approach one woman per day, no matter what the outcome. Been going great so far. Most of it has been directions approaches but at least I'm getting out there. But to be honest for a while my motivation has been down. Like I can't be bothered to get this part of my life handled any more. I think I know why that is. My life seems to be all about having women in it and that's so fucking boring.

I'm currently living a life where all I do is go out to try and meet women, when I come home I log onto the crappy online dating websites to meet women, I read dating blogs and forums and get bombarded with dozens of bullshit emails from marketting chumps, who claim they got a system that can transform you into the man women want, which for some stupid reason I keep signing up to. Honestly I've tried many different things to help improve my life:

* Meeting new people
* Meditating
* Going to the gym
* Getting out there and approaching women
* Taking up classes
* etc etc

but to be honest, everything I've done has been for women. My entire existence right now is all about getting women. I want to bulk up because I'm super skinny, why? for women. I want to be more confident, why? for women. I've drastically improved how I dress, why? For women. But the question is what have women ever done for me lately? We read so many articles about how to make yourself high value so you can date high value you women, but what has a high value woman ever done to deserve a high value man, other than look great?

The sad part of it all is if I strip away the primal urge to find a woman for companionship and sex. I'm afraid I'm sort of left with nothing. In my time in the seduction community, I've met many guys like this also.Sadly in my life there is nothing that interests me. I'm not into sports, music (except listening), not got many hobbies except being in the gym, which was more so because I wanted to beef up (for women!). I'm just so fed up of this life of having to chase women. The problem with it is, if I give it up, it will never happen. I'm not one of those happy clappy people who believe that things happen when you're not looking for it, unless your Vinnie Chase from Entourage who gets women throwing themselves at him everyday, but how realistic is that show anyway? I don't believe for one second that women will land in my lap because I'm not looking for her. I believe in effort creating results. But unfortunately life for me just seems to revolve around looking for women. Approaching one day at a time, fighting through AA and awkwardness, going on loads of dates until you find someone half worth your time.

I've actually forgotten what it feels like to be alive not caring whether I have women in my life or not. In fact the last time that was is when I was a boy, believing that girls had cooties. I was more alive than ever before, because life was about exploration, playing with toys, kicking a ball around with mates or just hanging out with mates and getting up to shit. Girls were not the focus, we didn't care about them, we were boys and we did boy things. Why is it as men, the focus is on this need to claim women, to have to stop women on the street and tell them they look gorgeous, sit next to a woman on a bench and say "was just about to meet a friend, but wanted to say hi". Who the fuck cares?

I know what I have to do. I have to give this all up. But the greatest difficulty is that fear or defeat and loneliness. If I give up making effort to meet women, I'll never ever have one. If I continue, I'll remain bored that, that's all I'm doing. I know I can still have a life or pursuit of women at the same time as doing more productive things but I'm at a loss as to what to do with my life outside of work and outside of looking for women. I have no clue as to what interests me anymore besides going to the cinema and watching movies (alone, as always), going to the gym (alone). After that there are no hobbies. I know I can travel, but I can't do that every day, can I?

Does anyone have any ideas on how to find new hobbies or interests because I have no clue. I'm bored of my life being all about approaching women. Women are not thinking about me, so why do I spend all my waking moments thinking about them? I went on a date last night from online dating. For a woman who didn't bother writing much in her profile or making an effort in her email responses to me, I have no fucking clue why I was nervous. Why do we lend such emotions to humans physically smaller and weaker than us?

I'm just lost right now...this whole woman thing is so boring.

Francis

POSTED 1 YEAR AGO

nonstop
Moderator

I think the issue is that you're kind of like me. You have an excellent memory and so most things seem boring because you already "know" how they will turn out. I can't say that in my experience things will ever not be boring in a way, but you really need to find the things that do interest you, even if it means retrying those "boring" things.

You can say that this seems to be all about women, fine. Well, existence is pointless anyway, so you might as well make your life about something that has the potential to make you happy. Women are a decent choice because there are a few gems out there that have the potential to not be boring, and turn your life upside down (with fun).

The truth is, if you're like me, you'll recognize these things (being bored, the cause-effect nature of chasing women, the perception that women never do anything) etc, but you probably won't give up, you're not a quitter, and you've invested this much time already. What have women done for you? They gave you a reason/excuse to make some of the changes you wanted in your life, with the excuse of it being for women. Try taking a look at things from all perspectives and looking at it with an optimistic view for awhile.

POSTED 1 YEAR AGO

jman179
Member

This is a good topic, I think everyone working on AA falls into this every once in a while... I know I have. For me the only way to get out of it is by simply picking up something and doing it, whether it be a book, hobby, activity or whatever. I'm a musician and I make my livelihood from that, so I'm thankful that I can just immerse myself into it and forget a lot of other stuff swimming around in my head. So my suggestion is to just get out and do something that makes you happy, and as Eric has mentioned on here, having a fulfilling life is one key to attracting women.

POSTED 1 YEAR AGO

connoisseur
Member

Francis, nonstop, and jman179 -

Great posts. Thank you for your insights and questions.

Francis - I feel your pain/boredom. Essentially, we keep coming back to the question of what is life's purpose? Is it just to find a woman, or women, plant our seeds in them, and die? From a purely biological POV, yes. But as humans, we have vast potential to find fulfillment, and purpose in life outside of this.

I'm RIGHT THERE with you when you say you can't remember the last time you felt just okay with yourself, and not in need/in search of a woman. Like it is a shadow that follows you around everywhere, pushing you to put on muscles, earn more money, drive a nicer car, wear nicer clothes, do and say Alpha things, etc. A never-sleeping burden of responsibility and pain that can only be overcome by the presence of a woman committed to us.

Like jman179 says, a lot of us tend to fall into this frame of mind from time to time, and a good way to get out of it is to do something truly gratifying and pleasing to us - those hobbies that you mention you need to find. When you get completely immersed and lost in something, you tend to forget these thoughts, if just for a little while. I tend to believe that man throughout its history has developed all sort of diversion, fun, and hobby, to give us respite from the serious thoughts that run through our minds, and the boredom that ensues. Taking part in these activities - whether they be sport, art, music, driving race cars, reading a book, or writing poetry - does not imply weakness; it simply demonstrates our own humanity.

I'm in my early twenties and applying to medical school right now. For the past twelve months, I have been studying my ass off and hopefully by next year I will be starting the first year of medical school; I haven't had too much time to be bored. In these twelve months, much like the past six to eight years of my life, the thought and burden of attaining women has dominated my thoughts just as much as medical terms. It is something I have to utterly accept. Looking back on this year, I met many girls, got numbers from about ten (weak, I know ...), dated one, and had sex with her numerous times.

But I grew more as a person in my pursuits outside of meeting women - playing my guitar, playing intramural basketball and competing against others, re-committing to developing a good relationship with my brothers and parents, getting in shape to make myself happy when I look in the mirror. When a man's LIFE is not dominated by women, the THOUGHTS that invariably dominate his mind (women) will no longer become a burden, but a pleasant diversion. And women become attracted to that man.

POSTED 1 YEAR AGO

JayAllen
Member

Dude (s)-

I felt the exact same way as you this weekend. I was doing other things, but i felt like if I was'nt finding women I was wasting my time. That is a terrible mindset to be in so I decided to take this week off, of "searching" and just see what happens.

Also as long as you are doing what you want, for you, and you take your knowledge from your pickups, reading articles and etc. to be completely aware of your surroundings, you might surprise yourself and find something literally fall into your lap. I will promise you that it seems like 99% of the time it doesnt happen, but that why being aware is key and thats why not being co-dependent is also key.

~J~

POSTED 1 YEAR AGO

xanthier
Member

I don't know if this will help but ...make a list of 101 things you want to try in the next 2 years, and begin doing them. They can be large or small. It could be sing karaoke, pick up a new book, or go hang gliding - it's up to you.

It's a good way to mix things up a bit and try new things. It sounds like you need to rediscover the passion in your life, make some new friends, etc. If you are bored in life, women won't be attracted to you anyway.
Aside from this, you sound a lot like me. Where do you live? I do happen to have some hobbies, but never have the motivation or desire to pursue them like I used to. but by exposing myself to new experiences and trying to break out of my rut, I've found that that motivation can be rekindled, although it takes work. Maybe you haven't found the thing you love the most in life, it could be waiting for you out there.

POSTED 1 YEAR AGO

JasFilie
Member

I always thought women were just something on the side. And the rest of your life, the majority in fact, was about enjoying yourself. I know I do. I fly hang-gliders because I love to, I sail boots because I love to, I run and workout because I love to, I try to boost my confidence because I love to, I take an interest in picking up women because I love to. The thing is, if life has any point at all, than isn't it just to enjoy yourself as much as you can. And then seconds before you die, you know you'll die a happy man.
It's not about the women. And if it feels like everything is all about them, then maybe it's time to just take some time off and challenge yourself in other ways. When the time comes you'll be flirting with women again and you'll rediscover the joy of pick up and courting.
Just don't be too though on yourself, that'll only end in resentment. Lay back for a while, see what else is new. It's a big adventurous world.

POSTED 1 YEAR AGO

Inocencio
Member

This is awful. We have to mold and create a form to comunicate with them. Even than you get effort and try to involve her, she get borred, because women demand every time for a fun, over and over again, without a funny situation you are dommed to commit failure about her, and whole previous background that you made just slip out of control. Why? Because you aren´t a funny guy that you dwell enjoyable full time. Sometimes I get frustrate and attempt to understand why things occurs like this. But I know that we must put our mind clean and focused in other activities like sports, some new course, games, and do something with friends and close mates. This is a burden, I know that, this is a outflow. Sorry!

POSTED 1 YEAR AGO

pdogg
Member

Francis, I understand exactly what you are referring to.

I think there are a few questions you need to ask yourself and a few realities you need to accept:

1) Are you trying to prove you are good enough to get women by chasing them? In other words, are you testing yourself to see if you are adequate? Dude, getting hot women won't prove much of anything. It's something we are taught by society and then end up believing. It's not even that big of an accomplishment. You are just telling yourself that it is such an important goal and that it will prove you are a manly man.

2) Are you fooling yourself into thinking that if you got hot women regularly you would be happy? Do you think it's more fun than it actually is? The reality is that it gets boring pretty fast. That's why famous people go into drugs. It's only one type of a rush. There are other highs: alcohol, skydiving, playing with yourself, looking at porn, gambling, making money in the stock market, dunking a basketball, winning a game of table tennis, and eating kick ass food. You need to realize that there are MANY OTHER HIGHS THAT ARE AS FUN OR SOMETIMES FUNNER. Stop thinking that 50 Cent is super happy because he's got groupies. He's probably not anymore. The rush isn't as strong now that he's used to it.

3) Are you so sure you can't change your thinking that you enjoy nothing else? Dude, you're lying to yourself just like I did. In reality, you are damn wrong. If you want to change your thinking, you can. Feelings follow behavior. Change your behavior and feelings will eventually follow. Of course, if you are stubborn and unwilling to change your behavior, you will delay this.

Pick a few things that you used to find fun. Do them for awhile. Realize that you've been lying to yourself. Eventually you will enjoy yourself. Trust me.

I was exactly like you, bro. I know what I'm "talking about". Stop the BS.

POSTED 1 YEAR AGO

TOE NEE
Member

has anyone introduced this guy to perk 30's?

POSTED 4 MONTHS AGO

BigKevSexyman
Member

Well, there are a ton of different hobbies out there. Don't wait for someone to suggest something. Just go out there and try random things, because you won't know if it works for you until you try it.

Also, maybe one of the reasons women seem like they aren't doing any of the work, is because you're already doing all of it. Honestly, I'd do what was suggested and take a small break from women.

POSTED 4 MONTHS AGO

Roland
Member

Fuck women, i'm not gay...but fuck them. They don't do shit for us but look pretty and just pick and choose from whatever they want. They don't have any personality and honestly what's the ratio of women attempting to make a man laugh and men attempting to make a woman laugh. Its ridiculous.

POSTED 4 MONTHS AGO

Francis
Member

Wow!!

Its been a whole year or so, since I wrote this and boy have things changed!

Attitude-wise that is. I'm still single and pretty much stopped the approach a day thing now because I found it a little unnatural and boring. However I approach only when I'm already out and about getting on with my own life but I'll never leave the house just to do it any more.

My life is fuller now and doing more things that entertain me and no longer just for women. I've got a lot more going for me as a person. I'm now working out in the gym no longer to get buff for women but because I'm a lot more passionate about my health and strength. I'm doing things I enjoy because life is about having fun. I won't lie, a lot of activities and events I go to, I am hoping for that special lady to be there but that's normal I think.

After reading over what I read I realised I was in a bad place and felt very depressed and to be honest Roland you sound like how I did there, full of resentment and anger and to be honest in this year or so I've seen so much more about women and this whole dynamic that I chose not to blame women and have so much resentment for them as people who have all the power. That's just weakness talking and I know I'm stronger than that now. Women don't have all the power and it's taken me a long time to realise this. I've given them the power all my life and what you give power is what will have power of you.

I'm still single today and still don't know when I'm going to get better at this game and approaching but you know what? I'm now more a solid man than I was when I was feeling sorry for myself when I wrote this post.

Thank you whoever resurrected this post for it's grave because has been a good review in how far I've come.

Also Kev thanks for this:

Also, maybe one of the reasons women seem like they aren't doing any of the work, is because you're already doing all of it.

I experienced this a few times within the year. One was when I went to Belgium a few months back and was at a pub crawl. This cute American girl I was on the crawl with got much flirty with me as the night progressed. We eventually spent hours making out before going our separate ways. What did I do to 'attract' her? Absolutely nothing! It just happened. So there's definitely some truth in it Kev ;)

Cheers guys

Francis

POSTED 4 MONTHS AGO

stev111
Member

Attitude-wise that is. I'm still single and pretty much stopped the approach a day thing now because I found it a little unnatural and boring. However I approach only when I'm already out and about getting on with my own life but I'll never leave the house just to do it any more.
My life is fuller now and doing more things that entertain me and no longer just for women. I've got a lot more going for me as a person. I'm now working out in the gym no longer to get buff for women but because I'm a lot more passionate about my health and strength. I'm doing things I enjoy because life is about having fun.

The whole of your article was uncanny. I can relate totally to it. Specifically this part.

I found myself not approaching for the sake of aa but to get to know people and get a date which means I have done less approaching. I fully understand that aa, for me personally, is never going away, at least the feeling of adrenaline. But the mindset and the confidence has rocketed in the last two years for me.

Well I'm not going to use this to tell people about my advances because this is you thread (I'll do one for myself I think).

The one parallel is the that overcoming aa has given me more passion for myself. I got a business I'm going to start up and I'm going to the golf course more than approaching women.

Well done Francis!

POSTED 4 MONTHS AGO

Francis
Member

Thanks Stev!

Yeah I too realised that AA is never going anywhere and even if it does, it's always going to return if I have not done anything in a while.

Yeah I'm starting to understand what it means to get on with your life and just have fun. Don't get me wrong, I'm still looking and some events I am going because of the possibility of meeting women, but the condition now is I have to be interested in the event ;)

I'd like to read your story if you're writing one ;)

Cheers

Why do men paste theirselves to women so easily? And why do they change their lifes so much, instead of following their dreams? Life's lived once.