- Greetings from the 2nd world -

I'm sorry that i haven't posted anything for a long time. I've had to prioritize school and such things. Blah. Well, my scenario nowadays is sitting at my apartment, planning stuff. I've got some new friends, that I'll hopefully get to know better along the year.

My coke addiction is still strong and there's no replacement for it. I bought this zink-cream Cath tipped me off. It was working a little, but I still have to cut down the coke.

I consider start training, when I'e bought a bike, since the one I already have is non-drivable. Training tends to release endorphins, the body's "feel-good-liquids,". Luck pills, such as prozac and valium is not an option as when I think I don't need them anymore I'll be damned when I feel depressed yet again.

I've had this depression for years now, but it's now in the last years that I've admitted to myself that there really is a depression. The problem is, I don't think it will go over if I get what i want like a girlfriend or a more social life. I think it will be there forever without a chance to remove it.

Sometimes I even think of what I'd like to call "second worlds". It's mostly a harmonized suburban neighborhood in the US, where all my friends are as young as they are now but I have good connections to everyone and I have no time for sitting home. I'm either at the job or I am networking.

The reality;
I'm, as last year, sitting at my apartment. Doing the same stuff everyday. I don't know why. I want to do it, but still it's kind of boring. And I know from experience, it doesn't make any difference if I have company or not. I'm just here for doing lessons and eating and sleeping.

But, from next week, I'll give a promise to myself and that is to meet persons I already know in centrum, or meet new ones. I already know a mallrat I can hang out with, and she's a girl just as old as me too. If you have lived as me, at a god forsaken island... With just one type of people (which means no subcultures nor authorities) you will get kind of weird. And when you in addition to that is isolating yourself at your own room just because you're tired of the same environment and friend circuit you get even weired that you normally would.

It's good too see how people here are when you don't know them yet, but are meant to get known. You're actually shaking hands and presenting yourself. We did that rarely in my last friend circuit.