- Failing life -

This is how I feel most of the day. I don't know why I go to school. I want to be a director, actor and editor. That's not going to happen. I'll just be someones ragdoll. I don't hate school, it just makes me tired. The people there are ok, there's just this really silent ambience.

I don't wanna go to school and have a job and live a stable life. That's not life for me, but that's the game I'm gonna have to play if I want to take care of myself and eventually my wife and children.

I just wanna drive and see the world. I don't need no plan for it either. This is what I say I want. But truly, I believe I just wish a common life with some close friends, that I don't get exhausted by being with people, that I don't need so fucking much sleep.

Today I skipped school simply since I was feeling to down to go there. I think it's the time after school that is the worst, the time where I should do homework and clean up and do the dishes, but I just use to relax and surf the web since I'm tired because of school. We're sitting on our asses for eight hours.

Doctors in Norway state that teenagers who sit inside a lot has more tendencies to be narcs and social convalescents. They also lost their virginity at a later age than the ones who was more out with people.
I lost mine at the age of 14 in a tent a hot summer night. One month in the autumn last year I woke up under a kitchen counter. That was the best day of my school year and I didn't even made a sensual (not sexual) encounter.

I don't do shit other than going to school, do appointments in a hurry cause I'm a postponing motherfucker, surf the internet and eat. I should go out more. And I should train. Luckily I've made a membership in a... let's just call it a national weekly club.

Life - what is it.
I don't know. I think that's a subjective question. To me, life is over when you're settled. I'm not settled yet, I just know that I don't want to be settled. I'm that wild, energic guy, but since  the society wants everyone to be just some, another brick in the wall, I'll just let it go and make that fucking wall. Even though what I really, really want is to do those dreamy, cliché Tumblr-things.

I want to be that teen with a couple of friends doing stuff together. Planning stuff, doing stuff, publish some pictures on the internet together, watch a movie together. Jog together, climb a mountain.

I wonder if this is how my father felt when he had his dorm. He wasn't good to connect, either. But he turned out good. To bad I'm not gonna reach his level of aspiration.