Our tutor now knows about my social anxiety but not about the depression. He said that he noticed I wasn't present on Mondays commonly when looking for my absence oversight.
This is the third week of medication and the effect it had in xmas holiday has flattened out. I don't know if that's because I might have developed a resistance to it or if it's just extra heavy for me to get back to school. It's not really "scary" for me on school, seen from a psychosocial perspective. I can eat my food alone and in peace in the lunch break and in the other recesses I can surf the internet without being canceled.
Our tutor said that a teacher of us said we were in a lack of pulse. The whole class. That's true. I think that might be my fault? I mean, as a boy, I'm supposed to be one of the crass, dipping idiots who swears a lot and has to be rude to the teacher and when I'm just mute and calm like a serial killer, the girls feel that they have to be more adult than me?
Oh yeah... this friday night I actually visited one of my class mates. We drank a little and talked politics. Then I had to go home. I thought I'd take the night bus but the table of bus arrivals were only going to 01AM so I dropped that thought and started to walk. About 10 kilometres in the winter. Luckily I had my winter jacket but i forgot my scarf at the mate. Didn't notice before I were almost home, though. I saw a meth head. I think he thought I was a cop because when he looked back (he was a bit in front of me), he started to run as far as he could before he walked. I walked the whole time, didn't want to scare him.
It was a delight reaching for the door handle and feel the warmth. Then I jumped in bed. Didn't even brush my teeth...
Tomorrow it's Monday and gym classes. I'll participate the whole day tomorrow, I AM going to get on the track again. The happy track with a whole lotta friends and the same energy I had when I was four. I won't be a heroine addict.
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